B.R.F.

On my way home today, I was 50 minutes into my 60 minute commute and noticed a ginger-gay standing a few feet in front of me.  He was well-dressed in his navy chinos and brown GILT wingtips with an unkempt, Patrick Dempsey mop that I could only achieve in 30 minutes with a 1/2" barrel curling iron.  Right as I'm about to give him 4 out of 5 Doctor Bailey's, it hits me -  It hits me, right between the eyes. His pursed lips and narrow gait... The way he rolled his eyes slowly but purposely from left to right, without moving his head.

Ginger gay had it; Bitchy Resting Face.

Bitchy Resting Face, also referred to as BRF, is a condition which affects the facial muscles and causes those afflicted to look hostile and/or angry while at rest, rather than "blank" or "unexpressive".  While these looks don't always signify how an individual is actually feeling, more often than not BRF appears to be caused by feelings of annoyance or discontent.  In the instance that BRF is caused by smelling flatulence, it is more commonly referred to as SFF or Smelly Fart Face which is also a commonplace while riding the CTA.

This condition, once reserved only for women, has spread wildly throughout the gay community affecting homosexual men at an unprecedented rate.  While the causes of BRF are not 100% known, possible influencing circumstances may include but are not limited to the following:

• Waiting in line at the Post Office

• Pretending to listen while someone talks about themselves

• Waiting for your friends at a bar while trying to look like you're not actually alone 

• Karaoke

• Reading posts about someone's children, love life, job promotions, or overall sense of happiness and/or success

• Trying not to call someone the "C" word

• Looking at your checking account and realizing 60% of your money goes toward booze and poor decisions

• Silently judging a new acquaintance's apartment, significant other, or body

• One Direction

While there is no cure for BRF, relief is possible. Alcohol, tacos, and Iggy Azalea have all shown amazing results in the treatment of bitchy faces, nationwide with unprecedented results when combined with the company of friends and men in short-shorts.

Remember - you don't have to to look like you smelled a homeless person simply because you're uninterested.  Nobody deserves to look like Kristen Stewart.

Nobody.