Chi-Town Welcomes You

The Chaos of Relocation
7-10-12

Moving - what a bitch.  

I have moved approximately 13 times (give or take a few) and it never gets easier.  And junk drawers... what the hell are you supposed to do with a drawer full of twist-ties and dried out flower seeds?  But imagine this if you will:

You're dying to get the fuck out of dodge because you've spent your entire life bouncing around Dayton, Ohio.  You're the type of person who can't fathom moving to a different city/state without having a full-time job ready and waiting for you.  So you sit around after college just waiting and waiting (and waiting).

Then you lost your license because you almost get a DUI and, because of all that extra free time, you concentrate on your studies and start a business.  8 months later a friend asks if you'd be interested in working for her wedding photographer in Chicago.  You say absolutely, visit a few days later, land the job a few weeks after that, and move 2 weeks after that.

Yea - that's what happened to me.

Yes, I shit my pants.

So I packed up everything I had as best as I could because I knew THIS time I could make 18 trips back and forth in this car and that car and Jason's car and Nikki's car, etc, etc, etc.

The Nightmare Ensues...

My landlord is a waste of space.  I can say that... because it's a fact, not an opinion.  I didn't get my keys until around 11pm the night before I was to move (we were leaving at 2am to get to my 8am move-in time).  We pull onto the highway to start our journey... cherries and berries.  The lights on the back of the Uhaul weren't working.

Again, I shit my pants.

So 30 minutes later we get them going and start back onto the highway.  I later found out that the lights came on just long enough to get away from the cop and then went out again.  What the hell ever, we made it.

So we get to Chicago and my road is closed for repairs to the train stop.  Super, we'll just drive around the block.  30 minutes of backing down one-ways and circling while looking for the alley, we find it... AAAAND we don't have a key to the back gate.

*Shit my pants and cry

Missy randomly knows a tenant at my building who DID have a key and let us through.  So after all this drama I FINALLY get into the building and up to my beautiful, new, APARTMENT!!!

Not quite.

Ricky Looses His Shit...

Here's what I find:

Broken Light/Fixture
Whatever is missing here...
Cracked Paint
Missing Screen
Missing Fixture

Broken Baseboard
Nonworking Microwave

Missing Drawer
Not to mention the place hasn't been cleaned, it hasn't been painted, the closet door was hanging off the closet into the entryway, the sink didn't drain... what else...

Oh, that's right.  You ever seen a cockroach?  I have.

To wrap everything up as tightly as possible, I lost my brains, threatened legal action, withheld my money, and now things are getting repaired.  BUT I will tell you this - people will always move at whatever pace they find comfortable.  I've learned a few lessons about moving during this experience.  Hopefully you all can avoid a fucking disaster like the one I found myself in.

1 - Never sign a lease until you know the repairs are COMPLETED in a unit.

2 - If you have an owner, leasing agent, condo complex, multiple owners, etc... have ALL the phone numbers prior to signing any document or agreeing to anything.

3 - Don't let up on anybody.  If you need something, call until you get it.  People don't like to call back but they like it even less when someone is persistent.

4 - It's a pretty good idea to see your place BEFORE you move into it ESPECIALLY if you are not getting to see the exact unit into which you are about to move.

5 - Don't talk to your weird neighbors, even if you're trying to be nice.  Weirdos are weirdos and you don't want them trying to come over for dinner or asking for cup of ... whatever it is they cook with.

6 - If you're moving to the city, get an iPhone.  It's the only guaranteed way to ignore the homeless.

7 - Ignore the homeless.

8 - Know that sometimes people pee in places you would like to stand or sit.  Try not to do that.  If it looks sticky and smells like regret, yup - that's homeless pee.

9 - If your landlord's name is Eloisa Henthorn, quickly run away.  Far away.

10 - Put your name on your mailbox.  The post office will not deliver to an unmarked box.



Whew.


Good things next but I wanted to give an accurate description of what it was like for me to move from Ohio to Chicago.  That's a wrap.